Hey guys... Over the past few days I've been noticing alot of "one" sided blame game going on.... "Why do fans support Kristen more than Rob if she's the one that messed up?... If Rob leaves Kristen he never really loved her... of course there are the haters that are just spewing their hate like it's their right to, I really have no hope for those, but if you're reading this.. I hope that you really pay attention and realize that we are no one to judge either of them. Like she states very clearly.. WE KNOW NOTHING.
Dear @RobsmyyummyCBoy, Thank you so much for letting us post this here... you're amazing and thank you :) ~alma
I’ve basically kept very quiet about all the RP/KS drama in the last six weeks. I’ve “liked” comments here and there, but rarely posted my own thoughts. I’ve watched friendships torn apart, I’ve been un-friended by a few people as well. And for what? People need to relax, take a step back and look at this entire situation with an open mind and an open heart.
I’ll start by saying if you don’t like KS as an actress, that’s your prerogative and here’s what you do…or rather what you don’t do: Don’t spend money on her movies. As in our fanfic life, when you find a fic you don’t like and isn’t your cup of tea, you close the box and stop reading. So if her acting abilities bother you so much, simply don’t go to see her work. It’s as straightforward as that. But that’s not what this post is about.
I’m not writing this in defense of Kristen Stewart’s kiss caught on film. I’ll be the first person (in a very long line of people) to admit that I can’t begin to understand what she was thinking or why she did it. But I’ll also be the first person in a very long line of people to admit that I don’t have a clue what led up to that day, I don't know what WASN’T caught on film and I don't know the reactions of those closest to her when they heard the full story from her mouth.
I am, however, writing this because at the end of the day, highest paid Hollywood actress or not, she’s still a person with feelings. She’s somebody’s daughter. Somebody’s granddaughter, sister, cousin, friend…the list goes on and on. And as she admitted almost immediately, she made a mistake and apologized for that mistake. She’s human. She’s fallible. And guess what? So are we. EVERY single one of us.
And somehow, I think we’ve forgotten that very important fact…she’s a person with feelings. She’s not just a name in a headline. Think about it.
No, seriously think about that.
This is about judgment. Judgment some of the fandom and most of the media has made about this girl because they think they know what really happened…or what she’s really like as a person behind closed doors.
Guess what? You and I know ABSOLUTELY nothing. Nothing about KS, nothing about RP…and certainly nothing about what happened.
If you’re reading this, you have a Facebook or Twitter account. Many of us have chosen to use an alias as our identification for said account. Maybe part of our real name is used, but mostly the alias helps us as a way to NOT be identified by those we are closest to in real life.
Why? Simply put, because we don’t want to be judged.
I know for a fact that I have a real life account and a “fake life” account (as I like to call it) because I don’t want or need my real life family, friends, associates, co-workers, church friends…anyone really, to know that I’ve written a story that might be too racy for the population at large. Or the fact that at 38 years old, happily married with three children, I still feel the need to watch the Teen Choice Awards in order to catch a glimpse of some of the actors who brought to life one of my favorite sagas. I have photos…hundreds of photos…and in my fakelife/alias account, I have found women with similar interests ranging in age from girls in their late teens to grandmothers in their 70s, who also like to stare at gorgeous pictures of the Twilight cast who portray the characters we’ve come to love.
So here’s the thing. What if we had to only use our real names and our real accounts? Would you really want people to know that you enjoy looking at really lewd snippets of stories we’re currently reading or writing? Or how about those Tumblr pics of porn? Or gay porn for that matter? We have friends and groups we’re in that post these words and pictures and they come up in our timeline feed. Would you want your real life friends/family/coworkers/etc. to see what sorts of things you might be involved in? Whether it’s from the sidelines because you just like to take a peek? Or because it’s something that you’re really into? And then judge you on it? Decide the kind of person you are just because they stumbled upon a picture or a post that THEY considered to be inappropriate? My guess is the answer is no.
How unfair of them to judge your character by just seeing that snippet!
We’re thankful for alias accounts. We’re thankful for the privacy settings FB, Twitter and Tumblr allow. We use phrases to protect each other like “NSFW”…because we KNOW that we’d be up a creek if certain people saw or read what was on our screen. We take these precautions so that only close friends or family members we approve of can see certain posts we have access to and threads we start or comment on.
Do you understand that RP and KS have no such luxury? Their lives have been under a microscope for the last four years because they were selected as the best people to do a job. But instead, the media and the fandom would have us believe that they are here to be dissected because we feel we have the right to judge their lives from outside the fishbowl and make comments about what they wear, how they act, what they say and who they associate with at all times.
Has that ever happened to you? To have all that pressure and judgment thrust upon you?
No? Yeah, me neither. Thank goodness, right?
I mean, come on! I would be mortified if photographers and journalists (I use that term very loosely) had access to me whenever I stepped outside my home. Especially if snippets were cut and pasted together to make me look bad to the world. That would be extremely unfair. As a busy mom of three kids and the wife of a Marine Corps Officer who has duties all over the globe, I have many moments where I’m not at my best. I’m not always dressed to impress and the things that sometimes tumble out of my mouth haven’t been well thought out and scripted by a team of experts. If I had to contend with cameras being shoved in my face at all hours wherever I went, I would lose my mind (and possibly even stick my middle finger up in the air…letting those scavengers know that they are the lowest of the low). Hounding me and my family at all times just to make a buck.
This is my life…MY life. Leave me alone!
If I were an actor, I’d say that when I’m on set, at a junket or on the red carpet, go right ahead and snap away…but don’t assault me day and night when I’m just trying to catch a flight, enjoy a meal at a restaurant or go to the gym. Can’t you find anything better to do than stalk my every move? I’m really not all that glamorous and I’m just trying to live my life as best I can.
So getting back to RP & KS. We know nothing about what happened on that day, or what led up to that day, or what’s happened since. We don’t know anyone’s reaction. Sure we’ve read that he was devastated, she was devastated, he moved out, he kicked her out, he was living at Reese’s house, she was staying at her parents’ home…but at the end of the day, we know nothing.
Let me say it again…we know NOTHING. So why are we judging them when we don’t have all the facts?
And are we seriously believing ANYTHING the tabloids are putting out there? They’re trying to sell magazines. They’re trying to get ‘hits’ on their websites…because it earns them money! Have you noticed that the same headlines have been recycled with the words scrambled around for the last six weeks? It’s ludicrous that people out there are actually believing this junk.
“Sources” as they like to call themselves, don’t exist. “Sources” is a word that the rag-mags are able to use to make you think that somebody has the inside track on what has happened and how the people affected are dealing with things. But let’s face reality here. RP and KS have kept their lives very private up until a month and a half ago. Their friends and family were rarely, if EVER, quoted giving updates on how the couple was doing, because they respected their right to privacy. So WHY in the world would you think that NOW…in their hour(s) of need…when privacy is of the utmost importance to all the parties involved, do you think that “sources” would be reporting how ANY of them are doing? “He was wandering drunk in the alleys of London. He was drinking himself blind because of the devastation. She hasn’t showered in weeks. They’ve lost weight. She’s texting him. He’s refusing her calls.”
It’s a load of crap…every word of it. Again I ask you, why are we judging when we don’t know the whole story?
NOBODY knows the truth except for those people who are directly involved…like first-person involved…not, “I heard from a friend that…” or “I saw a tweet that said…” No. My best guess is a VERY select few are the only ones who truly know exactly what happened and what has transpired since then.
Were we not listening when, regarding the hoopla, David Cronenberg said, “It’s a very abstract realm that doesn’t have a lot to do with personal reality…People think they know what’s going on but they don’t know what’s really going on.” If DC said that, and he seems pretty close to RP, what would make us think that we know any better or should believe what Perez Hilton or The Examiner says?
Come on, folks. Use your brain.
To those of you who have actually uttered the phrase, “I’ll lose all respect for him if he takes her back,” or “He deserves SO much better,” or “He would be the biggest loser ever if he forgave her.” Why? Because she’s not worthy of forgiveness in your eyes? Who the heck are you to pass judgment on her?! Or him, for that matter!
Have you ever made a mistake? Made an error in judgment? Big or small…it sucks. Sometimes it’s intentional and sometimes it isn’t…but you hurt people because of it and you still need to say you’re sorry.
Have you been forgiven for that transgression? Have you been given a second chance? I hope you have. I hope that the people you affected by your mistake realized that in the big scheme of things, they know you as a whole person…they know that your mistakes don’t define who you are in your heart. If the people closest to you feel you’re worthy of forgiveness…or the relationship they’ve had with you and want to continue to have with you is bigger than your mistake…all parties can and will move on. You might even be stronger, bigger, and better because of it. The ability to forgive is an admirable trait. It’s a sign of maturity when you can separate the person from the mistake they made.
And in this situation, if RP chooses to forgive KS and stay together with her, or if he doesn’t forgive her and chooses to end their relationship, why shouldn’t we support him in that decision, whatever it may be? Don’t you think he might know a bit better than we, what is good and right for him to do?
So here’s my hope for you.
I hope that you never find yourself in a fishbowl and under a microscope. I hope you’re never scrutinized with every move you make and every word you say dissected to paint you in the worst possible light in order to sell pictures and magazines.
I hope that you or your sister, or your daughter, or even your granddaughter never make a mistake for which you’re/she’s torn limb from limb and crucified by people who not only know NOTHING about the exact situation, but don’t know you/her from Adam and have absolutely no business making statements about your/her character, morals and life choices.
And if by chance you, your daughter, granddaughter, niece, friend, whoever DOES land in that terribly embarrassing situation, I hope you’ll hold your tongue and not call them a cheating whore, or assume that their partner can do much better and should immediately kick them to the curb. Because maybe, just maybe, they might be worthy of that second chance for redemption. And rather than berating them with your insults and vicious attacks, choose the higher ground because I guarantee they’d benefit from your support and kind words.
That’s my hope and my challenge for you today. Be better than the ugliness being hurled left and right. Think about it and rise above the judgment.